There is literally no better time than right now to cling to the Lord and let Him fill me with His grace. I can let the pain make me angry and upset and ask why. I can get mad because I have limitations. I can be upset because I really have no idea what exactly is wrong with me and because the doctors can’t figure it out either. Or I can let the pain make me patient and compassionate. I can embrace my limitations, realizing that I never really had control in the first place.
What I am realizing is: I can’t give what I don’t have. On my own I am weak and tired and totally empty. When I am healthy and not relying on God, I can usually fake some happiness of my own. But without my health I don’t have the strength to do that anymore. It’s just me. Insecure. Unhappy. Ungrateful. In pain. Without God I am ugly. Empty. Drained. With Him I am full of joy. I am patient. I am grateful. I can bear the uncertainty because I realize that He doesn’t give me more than I can bear.